It’s the moment we’ve all been waiting for! No – not for Colton to lose his virginity on national television, because any fool knows that ain’t happening. This time it’s Bachelor Nation’s turn for a sweet release. That’s right, folks – Colton finally jumped that motherfucking fence and I gotta say that it was worth the wait. What has been deemed one of the “most dramatic moments in Bachelor history” is finally all action, no hyperbole. Colton vaulted that gate like his life depended on it – probably because it did. (Or at least what was left of his sanity after being forced to shower in front of a camera crew for 2+ months. The lack of alone time would grind down the heartiest of us.)
Surprisingly, Colton does take someone to bed. Unsurprisingly, said lady looks decidedly… unsatisfied the morning after. Who’s the lucky gal who got to spend all night in her cotton pajamas? The answer to this and much more, right here with my full recap, available at MovieBoozer now!