Ah, Colton – our wholesome ex-football player du jour! What trouble will he get into this week? Well, if you’ve been paying attention, you know the answer is, “None.” I never thought I’d say this, but… I might be missing former Bachelor star Arie Luyendyk Jr. just a tad. With him, there was always the potential for someone to get busy – or at least pretend like they were going to. So far this season is about as tame as children’s school recital.
Not that some of the women aren’t giving it their all – most notably Demi (aka Miss Confetti Vagina), who’s successfully positioning herself as this round’s villain (you know, “The Corinne”). Do I relish her chewing up most of the screen time with her maniacal laugh that feels like an ice pick to my brain? No, I decidedly do not – especially when it’s accompanied by her annoying habit of categorizing anyone over the age of 23 as “old.” But do I appreciate that she’s stepping up to create some turbulence? Yep, somebody’s got to – and it might as well be this willing Texas native.
Meanwhile, we’ve got some old issues rearing up between former beauty pageant competitors Hannah B. and Caelynn. They’re acting like it’s going to be interesting, so let’s hope they shake their sashes and make good on this promise! Tracy, the self-professed fashionista is also garnering laughs with her endless breakdowns. Oh, honey – bless your heart, this is so not a good look. But thank you for your precious tears, as they are television gold!
We’re just getting started, and there’s plenty more to come. Stay up-to-date with my recaps, available in full at MovieBoozer. And don’t forget to tune in to the broadcast and live-tweet with me! See ya soon, rose lovers. xo